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''I look like a Tree"
''I look like a Brain"
"I look like an umbrella''
"Dude?! Change the Topic!''
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That awkward moment when it’s your birthday, and people are singing happy birthday to you, and you just stand there clueless of what to do.
Theres a bus full of all these ugly people. One day the bus driver runs the bus off a bridge and everyone on the bus dies. When the all get to heaven, God tells them that He would grant them each one wish. The first of the ugly people thought about this. Then he said that he wanted to be handsome. All the ugly people started to wish that they were pretty, beautiful etc. God sees the last person laughing his butt off. As the people continue wishing the same thing, God sees the last person laughing and Hes thinking "WTF." When the last person makes it to God, he says "Make them all ugly again!"
Mocking people in a voice they don't even have.
An unpopular girl takes a really nice photo of herself on Facebook, she'll get maybe one or two likes.
A popular girl takes a dog ugly photo of herself half naked, she'll probably get about 50 likes...
Justin Beiber has a girlfriend? So did John Elton, and he's gay.
Justin Beiber wrote a book? Yeah, i wrote one of those in First Year.
Justin Beiber is a great singer? You havent heard my in the shower.
Justin Beiber's sexy? He's 5"5, has an old man's hair cut and there's only one white guy that can dress like a gangster, and that's Eminem.
Justin Bieber has a movie? I made one of those for a duck in Media Studies once.
The top 10 things messed up with the show Spongebob:
1.How is Pearl Mr.Crabs daughter??
2.Why doesn't Squidward wear pants??
3.How do they flush the toilet under water?
4.How can they see plankton??
5.How can Sandy communicate with fish??
6.How is there a Goo lagoon under water???
7.Why do they take showers???
8.How come Gary meows??
9.How did Sandy build her dome??
10.How can there be boats under water?
Like this if you ever asked yourself any of these questions :)
One day a blonde, a brunette and a redhead died, but before they went to heaven they met up with God.
God: Before you enter these gates of heaven you have to climb 1,000 stairs and on each stair i will tell a joke and if you laugh you will go to hell.
On the 574 stair the brunette laughs and goes to hell.
On the 777 stair the redhead laughs and goes to hell.
On the 999 stair the blonde laughs and God asks why.
The Blonde: I just got the first joke.
5 things you can't do!
1) Lick your elbow.
2) tickle yourself.
3) Draw The Number Six While Making Clockwise Circles With Your Leg.
4) Fit your whole fist in your mouth.
5) Sneeze with your eyes open.
*LIKE* if you have tried one of these before..
Have you ever seen a
stranger in the background
of a one of your pictures?
it makes you wonder...
how many strangers have pictures of
I don't want my boyfriend to:
- break his xbox for me,
- stop talking to the rest of the female population,
- or blow off his friends for me.
What I do want him to do is:
- teach me how to play Black Ops,
- remember that he has a girlfriend,
- and invite me to hang with him & his friends.
Because that's what a REAL "good boyfriend" would do.
when a girl cancels a date
she cancels because she has to
When a boy cancels a date
he cancels because he has two
-Learn Chinese in 5 minutes! (say it out loud ;D )
1. Thats not right
(Sum Ting Wong)
2. See me ASAP
(Kum Hia Nao)
3. Small horse
(Tai Ni Po Ni)
4. You need a facelift
(Chin tu fat)
5. I thought you were on a diet
(Wai Yu Mun Ching)
6. He's cleaning the car
(Wa Shing Ka)
7. Your body odour is offensive
(Yu Stin Ki Pu)
8. This is a tow away zone
(No Pah King)
(Fa Kin Su Pah)
Dear whoever wrote This:
no mirror = no make-up
no make-up = no date
no date = no boyfriend
no boyfriend = no husband
no husband = no children
no children = no grandparents
no grandparents = no will money
no will money = no home
no home = no job
no job= no money
no money = no food
no food = starvation
starvation = death
maral of the story = buy a mirror
Since When Did having No Children make You have no Grandparents, And since when was Moral Spelt maral?? Fhag.
A few years ago,
someone broke into our house.
He tied up my brother, mom and dad. He tied me up separately.
My brother said, if he laid a hand on me he'd kill him.
The man slapped me and grabbed my breast. My brother broke out of the ropes and beat the
man, breaking both his arms and having him arrested that night.
My brother was 12
I'm not going to talk about boys.
Or Justin Bieber.
Not even Black Ops.
And heart breaks.
You know what I'm going to talk about?
Because everyone loves turtles.
Especially when they're awkward.
**** Who Else Does This #54 ****
Whenever my parents ask who i'm texting or who i'm talking to, I automatically think of a friend who is the same gender as me that they already approve of.
girl:"hey bro this is my bf."
brother:"cool hey dude come here for a sec."
brother:"if you break my sisters heart just remember im not afraid to go back to jail."
(1)don't care about sharing a soda
(2)make jokes about each other and not care
(3)back them up in a fight
(4)tell each other things they'd never told anyone else
(5)be lazy together
(6)get in trouble together
We defended the Stone, we found the Chamber, we freed the Prisoner, we were chosen by the Goblet, we fought alongside the Order, we learnt from the Prince, and we mastered the Hallows. We are the Harry Potter generation ϟ
Stop hating on Justin Bieber.
You know you're only jealous.
You say he sounds like a little kid?
Well, when his first few songs came out, he WAS a little kid.
You say he looks like a fag?
Let's see what you look/looked like at 15-16.
He's rich, famous, talented, and has girls (of ALL ages) screaming his name.
Now let's look at your life.
And you say it's not jealousy? Riiiiight.
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for s*x. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what s*x was, and he said, "Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."
Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."
Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"
"Tarzan check for bees!"
I don't care what any body else says, but the scariest moment in Film History is when Matilda and Miss Honey are hiding in Miss Trunchbull’s house.
Boy: Can I kiss you?
Girl: No my dads watching
Boy: Can I kiss you now?
Girl: Just a peck on the cheek
Boy: Your an adult now!Can I ki....
*girl kisses him*
Boy: Feel My shirt .
Girl : *Feels Shirt*
Boy : What kind of Material is it?
Girl : Um..... Cotton ?
Boy : Nope Boyfriend Material (:
Like if you get it(:
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. As she was leaving, she yelled "You need to grow up!". I don't know what has gotten into her. It's probably because i didn't give her the password to my secret fort.
**** When your Mom starts counting to 3 ****
Me: Do you really think counting will make me do anything?
Me: Oh sh*t! I'm going, i'm going
You know you're a 90's kid if you remember...
Keenan and Kel,
The Pokemon Fever,
Playing on your Sega Genesis, Super Nintendo or N64,
Owning a Gameboy (with no color.)
Watching the Rugrats,
Watching the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers,
Fighting over who got to be the Red Ranger,
You loved the Lion King and Toy Story
Life was so much easier.
Like if you're a 90's kid!
A boy is crying while watching TV.
Mum: What's wrong?
Boy: Justin Bieber just got shot on CSI!
Mum: Aww, honey, it's not real, he's still alive...
Boy: That's why I'm crying.
You are yellow, can't drive and you practice karate. We have come to the conclusion that you are Asian...
A real girlfriend does not complain while her boyfriend is on his XBOX; She Sits There and Yells KILL HIM!!
One day,3 people found a genie lamp. They rub the genie and out comes the genie. The genie says" i will grant you each one wish, what will it be?". The 1st co-worker wished to be in the Bahamas with no care in the world. The 2nd co-worker wished to be the most beautiful tropical island in the world. Lastly, the boss wishes" I want them back by lunch." Moral: ALWAYS let the boss have the 1st say.
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